Saturday, December 15, 2007

A Weekend of Tournaments

This weekend Lucy and her Squirt team are playing a tournament in Sioux City and Dan’s PeeWee team is playing a tournament in Marshall MN. I just talked with Mike on the phone and Dan’s team got fifty shots on goal in their first game, winning 9 – 1.

Under the heading of how cool hockey parents can be, the family of Lucy’s best friend on her team offered to take her to the SC tournament for the weekend so I wouldn’t have to haul Mom and all her equipment to Iowa and take care of her in a hotel. Lucy is thrilled to spend the weekend with her friend and I’m able to take care of Mom here in Lincoln as well as get Grace to her hockey and figure skating practices and a Mites game tomorrow afternoon.
There’s lots of politics in the hockey world as there is in figure skating, but this weekend it seems like the hockey gods are smiling on us.

Just took a call from Lucy and her team won their first game 8 - 2, I think, and their second game 12 - 0. Yikes! Lucy had two assists and she says she got a goal in the first game, but it wasn't counted for some reason. These are the kind of games during which I feel I just have to stop cheering because cheering starts to feel just downright mean.

Grace’s coach suggested that she take the Level 7 test this week. If she passes, and I suspect she will, she’ll have passed two levels in two and a half weeks. Now this might suggest that she’s improving at a miraculous pace, but my sense is that really this rapid progress through the Basic levels suggests that my intuition about her previous club was right on: the head of the LTS program was not testing Grace at the pace Grace was learning. I’m thinking that now she’s skating and being coached at the level she needs. This also tells me that her private coach in St. Cloud did a good job of working with her even though the LTS folks were pokey.

The thing that worries me though is that as she progresses, I need to learn how to parent at these new, more competitive levels. We’ve gone through these kinds of transitions with Dan and Lucy in hockey. In those cases there’s this interesting way that, as a parent, I’ve had to both step back – trust coaches in increasing degrees to provide instruction not only in skills, but in the intangibles like maintaining balance between desire and good sportsmanship, between aggression and fair play. With Grace, I’m wondering if there are new dimensions of her relationship to her coach that I’ll need to learn. I also wonder if relationships between Grace and the other skaters or between me and the other parents will take on some new, heightened quality. I wonder what things will be like when Grace starts building her actual figure skating resume in the Pre-preliminaries.

I’ve started volunteering for Grace’s club, which both gives me pleasure (and something to do at the rink while she skates) and helps me meet people.

More from Zamboni land soon…

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Undocumented Culture and Unwritten Rules of Figure Skating for Moms

There are some things about figure skating that no one will tell you. I don’t know why no one will tell you. On my more cynical days I think it’s because of a kind parental competitiveness: a fear that the newest child to the scene will overtake one’s own child in skill and talent. Other times I think it’s because of a kind of pervasive disbelief that the new kids will stick with the sport. And sometimes I think the reluctance to say any of the unspoken culture and conventions is related to a pay-your-dues kind of mentality (“I had to figure it all out on my own so you should too…”)

In any case, here are some things I’ve had to figure out on my own:

1) All figure skating clubs are not created equal (and this is true for both beginner and more advanced programs). Learn to Skate programs are revenue generators for Clubs. This means that a Club may have a vested interest in not testing beginner level skaters such that they advance as quickly as they are able through LTS Levels. If you are the parent of a beginning skater who has really taken to the ice and is learning quickly, pay attention to the skills attached to each level. Ask program leaders to test your child when you feel fairly certain your child has mastered those skills. If you find a club that's really good at delivering a Learn to Skate Program, stick with it.

2) All figure skating clubs are not created equal. If you start asking for your child to be tested, you may be given the cold shoulder by program leaders (if the Club is politicized in a nasty sort of way). They may start treating you like you’re the archetypal stage Mom. If this starts to happen, find another club. Program leaders should be delighted when they encounter kids who love the sport and show some early talent. When you find Program leaders like this, stick with them and with their Program.

3) All coaches are not created equal. Spend some time watching coaches interact with their skaters. I look for a balance between the rapport coaches have with their skaters and rigorous attention to detail in skills development. Involve your child in choosing a coach. Kids need a coach who they can love and laugh with as well as one who can challenge them to work at the outside edges of their abilities and give them appropriate support. And your child needs a coach who you trust to coach well.

4) Once you’ve chosen a coach, he or she becomes the boss at the rink. Don’t second-guess your child’s coach. Don’t interfere in the coaching of your child. Don’t get your child involved with a second coach without the prior knowledge and approval of the first coach. Don’t go behind your child’s coach for any reason. If another coach approaches you about coaching your child, tell them you can’t have that conversation without talking to your child’s coach first. If you have questions or concerns, ask. But remember that this is your child’s coach, not yours.

5) Temper your enthusiasm for your child’s accomplishments when in the company of other skaters’ parents. You can learn a lot by listening to parents talk. And one of the things you might learn by listening is how pride can distort support for a child into extraordinary pressure for perfection or accomplishment. What bothers you may not bother your child one iota and my observation is that so much of the time, the kids are right. Stay out of rink and club gossip. Listen because the rink and club politics are interesting, but do not engage.

6) In as much as seems responsible, let your child be the leader in determining how often he or she will practice, compete, and test. My experience is that when you give children support and let them choose, they’ll make good choices.

7) There are exceptions to everything. Watch and listen and de-center so you’re ready if the exceptional occurs.

Why Zamboni Mama?

This morning I started thinking about what our lives will be like if Dan, Lucy, and Grace ever stop skating…or what our lives will be like when they’re older and driving themselves to the rink or off at college. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I figure I spend between fifteen and twenty-five hours a week at the rink (depending on whether there’s a tournament or competition or not). I’ll be lost. This is why I need to learn to drive a zamboni.

A Typical Day in the Life of a Zamboni Mama

My typical day begins at 4:30. I get up to take my youngest daughter to the rink for freestyle practice. I'm home by 6:30 waking up my oldest son (who is zonked because he had hockey practice the night before, then had to finish the homework he didn't have time to do after school). I get my Mom out of bed (she’s wheelchair-bound). My son and I head out the door by 7:15. My husband takes over at that point and gets the girls to school. I'm at work at UNL by 8.

After work all of us meet up again at the rink for hockey practice. One night a week my youngest daughter skates the freestyle session that follows hockey practices. On Wednesdays, we drive to Omaha for more figure skating. At 8 PM or so I head for home, feed everyone, tuck my Mom into bed, then pass out.

But this description doesn't quite get at how much I love watching my kids learn the skills and pleasures of their sports, and also the drive, discipline, and determination that attend serious athleticism. This doesn't quite cover how much I love my teaching and writing work at the University, nor does it get at the connections I sense between my work as a teacher/researcher of writing and the work of coaching skaters. Living this way just must be a crazy little thing called love: there's no other excuse for it.